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The Inquisitor sipped at his inferior cup of decaf and looked over at the vid screen with boredom. A series of Skull Probes were performing reconnaissance on an upstart Ork tribe. Some Warboss named Charr Ul Oknar was getting hyped for the battle by slapping paint on his Orks, eating a lot of Squigs, and crafting yet another idol to Gork (or possibly Mork) out of Ork feces. All at the same time. The Inquisitor chuckled when the Warboss slapped his squirming Squig into the idol and stuffed the feces into his mouth in his excitement. An Ork was foolish enough to laugh and was clobbered messily for his effort.
A bit later, the poured out of the trees towards a Tyranid force. 180 Infantry of various sizes and war gear poured out of the tree line looking for a good old fight! The Skull Probes followed dutifully as the Tyranid horde rushed at the Orks as well. Strategically placed Penal Legions in the weeks before made sure these two forces ran into each other so the Death Watch and Inquisition could learn more about the xenos scum.
Orks began wildly shooting the air, the ground, the trees, and occasionally a Tyranid bio form. Their excited Waaaghs! drowned most of the audio on the lead Skull Probe, making it cut in and out. The Inquisitor, legs propped up on his desk, tapped the monitor hard with his heal twice to clear it up. As always, the Rite of Reset worked and the vid feed continued as normal. Many Tyranids were blown to pieces in the excessive firing.
The Hive Mind countered with the second wave, turning the Orks from ecstatic joy to outright panic! The slaughter took a long time to work itself out, but eventually the remaining Orks were able to pull themselves through the thick of the fighting and be victorious! The Carnifexes on the other talon decided the Battlewagon was vulnerable with the fighting happening. They tore the Battlewagon apart and smashed it violently into the ground. The Orks Embarked were forced to Go to Ground as they were tossed out of Carnifex’s new play thing.
The Orks took a look around and realized they numbered nearly 100 vs these 3 Monsters. They took up another Waaagh! and charged in, firing from the hip as always. Quickly the battle turned into another grudge match, one the ill equipped Orks could not win. Warboss Charr had to retreat with his few remaining Orks. He had learned several good lessons from his first fight. He was a cunnin’ warrior as he would say.
The Death Watch wanted to dismiss the operation and move on to something more important, but the Inquisitor decided to stay. He was intrigued by this new Warboss. While excitable and easy to out maneuver, he had a glean in his eye the Inquisitor did not like.
Over the next few days, small skirmishes happened while Charr gathered more Orks to his cause. When they asked what ‘appened to ‘is other boyz he just shrugged and said they got excited. That was good enough for them, so all of the Orks loaded up.
The Orks came quickly and with fury this time. They swarmed over the terrain in another mass Waaagh! and quickly closed ground. The Skull Probe focused on a Weird Boy in the horde. He charged up his staff and then crashed the spell right on top of his unit! Da Crunch! brought Mork’s (or possibly Gork’s) foot down and smashed a bunch of Orks to a pulp. Embarrassed or bored, Gork (or possibly Mork) wandered off to do something else in the immaterium. To make matters even more serious, a Stompa clomped onto the field with all guns blazing.
The Tyranids took to this new development in stride. While cunnin’ Warboss Charr was probing the lines for a weakness, so were the Tyranids! Dimachaerons jumped over the Ork battle line and made a rush for the exposed Titan. Not expecting this, the Orks were caught in disarray trying to redeploy to stop the incredibly fast and agile Monsters. One was dragged down by the horde and eventually killed. The Other one made it to the Stompa and began tearing massive gashes in its armoured hull. It tried to fight back, but the Grots had decided that snack and sleep breaks were more important then maintaining the big machine. That is why it was on such a good discount Charr learned too late. The savage monster was injured, but it destroyed the target completely, digging out the tasty morsels inside and dining on the overweight Grots that brought this upon themselves. And Everyone else.
Warboss Charr was once again chased from the field, stopping to rip his shirt, fall on his knees and scream “Gooooorrrrrk!” even though it very well could have been Mork at fault. With a particularly evil glare over his shoulders (and a smell that is like a smelly smell that smells smelly) gave a baleful eye to the Tyranids. He was going to try harder next time.
The Inquisitor tapped his fingers together for a few minutes and then wrote down a quick note on his dataslate. A contact of his in the Dark Angels was going to be particularly interested in this new development
Alternate 40k Rules 